Mr & Mrs Khorramdel {10.11.13}

10.27.2013 -

She rushed into the chapel arms loaded with bags and grins, hair done and veil on, scurrying but still somehow calm. Roses, floral, sweetness, elegant beadwork, ballet flats, and her momma's pearls her day could not seem to more perfectly fit her personality.

Congratulations to you two and best wishes as you start a new chapter of life as husband and wife.

If you numb the pain you numb everything else too...

10.22.2013 -
I sat curled up on the mat of the bathroom floor behind the closed door for a hour, the water in the bathtub running trying to hide the fact I was a broken down mess of sobs and tears again. My heart thudding and pounding with emotion. The anger and rage rising up over the unworthiness and self deprecation that is usually there. Sometimes the smallest things can trigger the nightmarishness memories to haunt again and leave me fighting and exhausted.

I was raged because of the unjustness of others. I was raged because I wanted to storm in and seriously lay into some people. I was raged because I was letting these people get to me. I was raged that I had to fight yet another target on our back. I was raged by religion. I was raged by damage. I was raged I couldn't seem to get control of how I was letting certain things affect me. I was raged at the pain this was making me face I would rather numb sometimes.

And I realized as I was sitting there in that it was all stemming from raw fear; the things I am afraid of. The ugly. So thus I was feeling alone, lost and hopeless. Because if I can't face the struggles and arrows that get shot my way I will never be able to face and accept the good and the beauty that comes my way.

I am afraid of hatred so I have a hard time seeing love. I am afraid of abandonment so I struggle to see loyalty. I am afraid of being told I am not good enough, am not worthy so I do not see that I am. I am afraid of being strung out, exhausted, and only wanted when I am giving what they want or need to them and then feeling in the moments I break down or need space....I am left lost and alone. But it is the vulnerability of facing those things I know is where life truly starts.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” -Brene Brown
If I want the good, the joy, the pleasure, the life, the freedom....then I have to except the pain, the sorrow, the disdain from others, the moments my heart feels like it will stop beating from the torture. 
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” -BrenĂ© Brown
So even though it hurts like hell when it happens..."Bring it on!" I haven't let anything or anyone in my hellish past be the death of me and I am not about to let it start now. I may be a slow fighter and I may get knocked down right now more than I am dealing out punches but that doesn't mean I am not fighting.
So when I need to I am going to sit down and face those painful emotions behind closed bathroom doors screaming into a towel with rage and hurt. I will wade through my vulnerabilities to find out just how powerful I am. And when I do find my power...there will be no stopping me.

Mr. & Mrs. Harrison {9.28.13}

So due to the rain having cut short their country wedding day weeks ago, we met up again last weekend for a bride and groom session on their 5000 acres of countryside! Turned out to be a beautiful day for kicking up country road dust, driving through tall pastures, trying to wrangle 2 feisty dogs for pictures and flirting with cattle!

Sonny & Jamie - 9.28.13

10.17.2013 -
She's his soft and sweet, he's her strong and steady.   
He's her glass of wine and she's his shot of whiskey. 
She's the sunny day and he's the shade tree.
The beautiful former Miss Oklahoma rodeo queen rode in and rocked this rancher, oil field man's world ! :) 

It rained and stormed all morning and into the afternoon on their wedding day threatening their outdoor ceremony, muddying every inch of the ground in sight and flooding out their reception barn. Just bring lots of good luck and best wishes is all! 
Jamie was laughing at the irony and annoyance of the song "Rain is A Good Thing" that had come on on her drive to the venue that morning. Things didn't turn out the way expected but she just went with the flow of the chaos of cancelled makeup stylist, scheduling changes, timing delays and muddy gown hemlines as it was flung her way!  
The day become a beautiful and real life story book country wedding day for them to always be able to look back on and remember that its the ups and downs that make life so beautifully perfectly imperfect!

Aaaand and overview snippet from their picture dvd slideshow just because I think one of the song she picked out fits their day perfectly!