A New Year - 2015

1.04.2015 -

New year. New feels. New breaths. New chances. Same dreams, fresh start. 

It was a rough go this new years. Things kept happening to bring the spirits down lower. One thing after another after another, as the day went on they seemed to get worse. It was a disappointment to the beginning go a new year and a blowing reminder of life and the balance of coping, happiness, hard, poker facing through sometimes, laughing through others, being in some, taking into consideration others while trying to take care of yourself and then letting the tears come and heart break behind the closed doors. Gosh dang it is it a challenge. But as the first two days of the new year past I have come to see it is just another chance for me to prove to myself I am strong and I will not let things keep me down for long. That I refuse for things to stay miserable even if it is incredibly hard to fight out of the misery. That I will always fight for the better. 

After the clock past midnight into January 1st I was standing at the bar in the dark kitchen quietly spilling with a caring friend when she looked me in the eyes and said, this year is going to be better. I just know it. I feel it. This last year has been hard, full of change and adjusting. You have had to fight some of the hardest battles and face more 'I can't even imagine' painful things. But things are settling. Slowly but they are. The fights are getting a little easier. What you have been doing, what you are doing, is an amazing thing. A good thing. A thing not everyone would do or could do. You have sacrificed so much yet you are not loosing yourself or your hope for the future or dreams. This next year, it is going to be lighter. It's going to be a breath of fresh air after this last year. It is going to get better. 
She has no idea how deeply those words settled in my soul. How it gave a sliver of hope to help turn the funky start to another new year around.  
So on the still fresh dawn of a new year... I do not believe in resolutions. That word is actually a trigger word for me. But I do believe in goals, in betterment, in trying to push yourself out of more comfort zones. In fresh starts and new hope. In still holding onto the dreams. In desire and action to take two steps forward and letting it be okay when you have to take one step back. 
I think I need to have the outlook and freshness I have at the start of a new year at the dawning of every week. How much more life giving, hopeful and motivating that would be as the days pass away through the year.  

"I dare you to believe in yourself. Learn to love the fact as you go throughout the world that there is no one else like you. Be uncommon. Do the thing you are afraid of. Live only as you can. And then I know somewhere in the next year you will surprise yourself."

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