I Let It All Be

1.20.2015 -
I stood under the water, as hot as it would go, pouring down the aches and sores. The drops ran down thd scars and the blemishes. The beauty and the pain of being human. The heat carased and soothed the knots and the tiredness. Kissed the stretch marks, battle marks and the muscles. I felt the moisture sink in deep into my body, deep into my aching soul, and listened to the sound of water bouncing off the tiles of the shower. I let the tears flow and mix with the drops of water streaming down my face. Down my neck. I let the emotions overwhelm me. The good and the bad. The ones I didn’t know what they were. The ones I had been avoiding. The ones I was scared of. The ones that wrapped my heart in warmth. I felt the hurt and I felt the joy. I didn’t run for any exits. I let it all be. I let it be until the water began to turn cold.
Emotionally beat again. The end of my day. 10:30 pm. Tummies had been feed, kisses had been given, hugs given liberally. Laughter and snuggles and crazy bedtime stories. Listening and loving and understanding and fighting and planning and listening some more. I booked 3 weddings today while the kids were in school and a senior shoot and possibly two boudoir sessions. Had talked to my sister on the phone for 2 hours, which brought about a whole other realm of stress and emotions and had even managed to start my day eating breakfast even though I didn’t get my workout in.

It was another one of the good days. Of waking up not wanting to get up and fighting to get started with the depression screamed at me from the warmth of the bedsheets to come lie back down with him again. My stomach was aching and I felt the dull ache of a headache but I got up, took some tylenol, made the bed and yanked away from the claws grasping at me to pull me back in, took the boys to school and got dressed and started plowing through my day with as much passion as my feeble self possibly could.
Damn it was it hard but damn it was it worth it.

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